I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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