Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
