Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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