you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
