I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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