i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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