My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish my penis had a tongue
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
me + whiskey = a bad person
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He shit in the fireplace
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