please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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