My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
