Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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