Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just gargled with NyQuil
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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