if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
