I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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