I hope mine doesn't look like that
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
