I want to walk on stilts...naked
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
