Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
