Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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