Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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