These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
