I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
