i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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