i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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