lets start a swedish sibling band together
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
