I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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