"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
