Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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