You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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