I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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