This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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