You're my little dorito
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
