This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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