Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
