that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
