you traded sex for a burrito?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
