Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
