I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
