You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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