Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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