yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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