i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
