So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
