I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
