Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
