This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
