i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
