I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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