Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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