I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
