Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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