there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
