If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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