Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
